your thong is hanging out like whoa
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dick very happy bro
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
