I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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