He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
