Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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