All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's shark week go big or go home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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