just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
