I think my fart just growled at me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
