Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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