I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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