I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Boobs speak an international language.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
