everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
