her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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