we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
