A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
