I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
