What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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