We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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