Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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