I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
