just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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