I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
