So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
