When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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