So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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