What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
