i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
