Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
