wakey wakey hands off snakey
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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