I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
