if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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