I wanna passion pit in your ass
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You pole danced in your parka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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