i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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