Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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