I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
