I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
