That's intense
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
