Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
