In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
