Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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