It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
