Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
