also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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