just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
