The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
