We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is Oprah even human
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
