Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
