i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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