You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
