I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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