ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
