I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
