I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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