Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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