if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I didn't notice because vodka
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper