What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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