i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program