I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.