im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
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I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni