the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
