Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
