Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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