ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
