listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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