I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
