mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
