I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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