Jerry, you need to find god
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
