Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
