I showed him my bush... on skype.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
