I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
