No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
