This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you never un-have a 4some
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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