Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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