i need an iv and a liver transplant
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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