dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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