omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
