um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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