I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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