When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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